I'm always very unhappy about why pple can accomplish some things and i can't. Like being in PES c. I thought i should feel alright. But the mental torture you get, like how useless we are, how less training we get, some of our commanders also felt so and i din even have the chance to participate in route march even though i know i can. And the funny thing is you get charged if they know that your status does not permit you to do certain rigourous activities. Its like over rated. And yet if iam in pes b or bp, my ligament thingy which took me like years to recover may come back again. Dunno what to do la. My friends say, since we are given this status, just live on with it and give in your best shot prior to whatever vocation they give you which i agree...

I seriously hate the way pes c have their poc. It sucks! Compared to pop, everyone's enjoying every moment of it. People taking pics, the bonding and parents get to put on jockey cap for their son. Who the hell dun want that. But because we are in pes c, we did not go through the full regiment of NS and we did not suffer much, and ppl think we are not capable of anything thus the not-so-grand ceremony. I tried to up pes but failed. Funnny huh. I still have to prove that iam fit enough then can up pes.

And now they know i got hypertension which makes it impossible for me. WTF!!! Its not like iam crazy that i wanna go through all these shit but i need to prove myself i can do it. I wanna let my parents be proud of me. Although pes c did went through field camp etc but the training is still minimal. The only way i can comfort myself is that pray that i can get a goood posting, and continue to train myself everyday. people may think we are chao gengs, yes indeed some of us are. Those pple i call them useless. But pple like us who have real injuries like thorn ligament, there is no way we can hide our condition and we cannot recover from it. and certainly during halfway throughout training we may hurt the same spot again. Maybe they should change the structure of training of pes c. We are not totally useless, we can still go through at least 80% of the pes a/bs' training.

END OF RANTINGS!!!