damn... saw sth that i should not have seen! blame it on the itchy hands.. Now iam feeling so guilty...!
Din know that it could affect me that much that i was actually tired but was consume by overwhleming jealousy or shall i say sadness...
It was then i realised no matter how much i do (which i dun think is alot in the first place), as long as the person she likes gives a simple gesture, it beats more than anything i do...
probably i went out with her so often that i forgot she doesn't belong to me and gradually showing her the side which i showed my guy friends, being vulgar and complacent... tried to look cool, act stupid, but in the end, when i went home i felt that i looked stupid... My true self isn't like this, why must i fake it? I want someone to be able to talk about basketball, someone who's sensitive, someone who will appreciate my silence...
On a side note, iam glad and i secretly wished her all the best.. Hoping she has the courage though to go for what she wants! it was this point that i gave up after possessing the thoughts of a possibility... haha... kindda felt stupid... cause me giving up din came from her rejections or words (she's not the type who is blunt enough to hurt nor avoid me) but came from some random note...
Gonna go for my run now if not its gonna affect me the whole day... gotta sweat it out and think about things. I need to start losing weight if i wanna go for basketball selection for SMU and look good to know more girls!! ha!
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