In school now... Sent my parents, sister, aunties and grandma off. And my meeting is at 10am, so now I am sitting here waiting for my group mates. Was reflecting and many thoughts flash through my mind, from when I was in primary school, to secondary, subsequently to poly, and making it through army and finally Uni. Wouldn't say that I've suffered much but at least I finally felt that I'm a grown up. Maybe because this is like the first time I'm alone without my family though, thus feeling a little sentimental.

Yesterday went to see the doctor with regards to my nervousness which increases my blood pressure. So went there for a check. And it was just stress. Its this feeling of intensity, a very heavy feeling, making your heart pound non-stop. Its just a very weird feeling i guess, like your brain's about to explode.

Whilst waiting for the doctor, I was playing around the function in my ipod, listening to songs and I found the video which Ive made for you when you went for your attachment. I thought it was lost, when my hard disk crashed and I was damn happy to finally see the video despite trying tonnes of ways to recover my stuff in my hard disk.

And as i watched the video, memories of you appear. For the past one month, i tried hard not to think of you because i thought to myself, enough is enough, or else I will never move on. But I realized I still couldn't. For the past month, its like something was missing, this sense of happiness and joy when I see you. The assurance you gave me when you told me that I could make it through smu. You were the only one who believed that I could make it through smu.

But the past one month without you was horrid. The only moment I felt truly stress-free was when I'm with you. People kept saying why do you like her for so long? You did so much but she also never reciprocate. But I always had this question, have i really settled any of her problems before? Was i there for her as a friend when she was feeling sad? What did I exactly do for her?

In the end as i was searching through my thoughts for past events when I was really there for her, in which i realized that I did not even fulfill the bare minimum, not even as a friend. Its like she did not let me in to her world and that I knew so little of her...

I wished I could have done more, express my feelings earlier. For i've never truly felt happiness deep from my heart, till I met you. Someday, i wish i could be the center of your world, the first one who comes to your thought should you need help.