Well well, i suddenly missed the children ive helped with when iam in thailand doing volunteering work. The house built, with the children singing in thai and holding hand in hand and circling around us and the adults thanking us all the way for our help and i kindda teared thinking about them cause i really miss them so much. The satisfaction you get and sense of achievement when you see smiling faces makes you want to do more. I may not know their names but, iam proud to say ive made an impact on their lives even if it only for a few days, cause as simple as it sounds, all they want is to live happily everyday. Which sounds too normal for us but thinking back, isn't that the essence of life? Have we goten to a point where we expect so much just because we want to fulfil our inner satisfaction?

Well well i leave it for the readers to figure it out... Anyway today's meetup was GREAT except for the lousy satays!
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I dunno if its coincidence or just a random comment by her but she said she believes i can make it through...

And that was the assurance i needed for the past few weeks, and she is the only one who said believed in me... It doesn't mean alot to her, maybe just a random comment but to me, it was a morale boaster.

Somehow, she always manages to find a way to lighten up my day and take away the worries ive had, unknowningly.

Iam still searching for someone as perfect as her i guess?

"Ive always wanted you to know that no one can ever replace you. ju tao peng."

stop loving you is just like asking me to walk on water.
Its impossible.
But iam covering my tracks,
trying to hide it,
so that when i turn back,
i won't have to look for my way, back to the source of the misery...

Alright so now i have a worry! What if i dropped out halfway after announcing to the whole world iam going to SMU? Iam not afraid of that but my family will probbaly feel iam not giving in my all huh. I dunno man, iam seriously feeling damn insecure now. And it hasn't even start and the pressure's building up! Damn... I seriously need to tune my mindset a little. I remembered a while ago i told myself i will treasure this chance and at least get a degree but it seemed that the ciruculum kills man...! Damn iam feeling goddamn stressed to the MAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Find me a path,
Show me a direction,
give me a destination,
and i will crawl towards there even if need be!

The firewall's breaking down,
my defense has been intruded once again.
Thoughts sipped in like flash floods,
No matter how i tried it doesn't stop swarming in.
how long i wonder it takes to stop all these...

Alright this is my 100th post, so here goes... Today, played pool with lesnar and marcus then headed for mac and mac again for coffee. Re-lived the days where we played "zhong ji mi ma" and drunk ourselves with gallons of water. Alright maybe i over exaggerated, after that went home and rested till now. Anyway, going to uni isn't as simple as just enrolment and paying fees, apparently, i still have to attend tonnes of briefing and camps and settle lots of admin issues. Isn't easy keeping track of the dates man.

Lastly, i gotten a nokia C6 without much due consideration but i've no regrets for using C6 though. Ciao.
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I was wondering which is more painful? Breaking up with someone uve gone steady for years or bearing the pain of not able to be with the one you want.
Both are equally painful i guess but think about it, at least when u break up u once held the person's hands u've long wanted.

But loving someone and yet not able to hold her is as unbearable i suppose. You can only look at the person from distance and walk away cause any minute when she looks at me in the eye, the feelings rekindle and i'm left spiralling again with thoughts of her.

Breaking up is as painful.

In the end, the one who gives more ends up losing the most. Thats the risk i guess.

Today's went out in the morning with marcus, had lunch gathering with my unit commanders at seoul garden which costs a whooping 24 bucks. Definitely not worth the money. After that was dinner gathering with my family and relatives then home sweet home.

Its been long that I din even think anything about work AT ALL! Kudos to me.. Cause i've been looking forward to this for so long. Anyway, i could not find anyone to watch despicable me... =( I guess i have to catch it myself.

Last but not least i'm all hyped up for the next 2 weeks cause its camps and more camps! Hopefully i will enjoy it. Ciao.
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Was recovering my old hardisk which i thought was spoilt,
And found the video which i wanted to recover so badly last time.
the one which i made for you before u left for your attachment.
Saw it once, twice, thrice and its on repeat mode again and again.
Though it reminds me of a very bad sting,
but it made me happy.
as i lie on my bed, reliving on the memories ive had with ya.
Call it reminiscing, or maybe the past but the experiences felt so yesterday.
And a min ago, i've suddenly snapped out of it,
thinking why should i continue torturing myself.
I swear if you'd ever need me,
I will always be there.

Well well.. Today's my off day. Ive been good during the weekend, din go out or anything. Had a good and quiet family time. And today, I spent my day watching dramas and the eclipse.

I was considering watching alone cause no one i know actually watches it. Thankfully i found it online. pple say that the movie is disgusting, and is only for lovers to enjoy but i particularly felt much for jacob's one sided love for bella but at the end, at least she kindda likes him though he doesn't have the chance. And the way he portrayed his feelings after going through a tough rejection which is what i can relate to. In the end, he also chose to leave her. There's this scene where jacob upon knowing that she and edward is getting married, bella asked "what can i do to make you not leave", jacob says there's nothing she can do. And he promptly left.

Perhaps its kindda what i'm going through now, thus i know what the movie is trying to depict the love between bella and jacob. But i'm glad that bella does have feelings for him though. Maybe it sounds gay or very unmanly of me liking this movie but somehow the feelings portrayed attracts me. Definitely worth watching.

Alright i gotta go soon. Going out to get some work done. Ciao...
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You never understood how fucked up i felt... You never will. To you, my one sided love must be non existent huh. No calls, no smses nth... Once again, iam left all alone fighting with my thoughts.

有时候 我真的觉得好寂寞
虽然你什么都没说 只是静静的抱着我
却轻轻对我说 我只是 普通的朋友
爱的感觉不同 付出的爱没有结果
想不透 我知道自己没有错
爱你的心忘了上锁 傻傻让爱变成一种折磨
你对我一点不在乎 我还是爱的不认输
对你的爱我选择让步
被放逐 在寒冷的边境
去学习 暧昧不清不是甜蜜
不再理 所谓的不公平
静静的离去 轻轻的闭上眼睛

想不透 我知道自己没有错
爱你的心忘了上锁 傻傻让爱变成一种折磨
你对我一点不在乎 我还是爱的不认输
对你的爱我选择让步
被放逐 在寒冷的边境
去学习 暧昧不清不是甜蜜
不再理 所谓的不公平
静静的离去 轻轻的闭上眼睛

damn, I knew i should not have even see u...
Sleepless nights once more.

no matter how much i try to conceal,
that mask will fall off someday.
be it covered, hidden or buried under that pile of lies,
it will still be exposed one day.
the only thing i can do is to keep holding on to the mask,
till it never falls off,
till it stays on with me,
until it becomes a norm...

somehow there's this anguish in me towards you,
that makes me feel why the fuck i'm hopelessly in love with you last time.